Experiencing Conflict

T The following blog post addresses a number of questions presented by DBC reflecting upon a recent time of conflict and what I've learned from it. I'd say I've learned a lot.

Discuss a time you had an emotional conflict with someone. What was it about? What happened?

I had an emotional conflict with a number of people I was working with on a project over some design issues. I didn’t agree with the way certain aspects of the site had been designed, nor did I believe they fell in line with our company standards and so I vocalized it.

What was the source of the conflict?

The source of the conflict came about in a meeting that occurred after i had already addressed a number of issues with the way things were being designed and after setting forth expectations that were then not met. Lines of ownership on the project had not been established nor had my authority on particular subjects involved been established and I was directing the results within a part of the project for which my coworkers didn’t feel like I had a right to control.

How did you handle that conflict?

I addressed the issue in a way that I felt was appropriate, but it was also very hurried and not completely thought out as I vocalized it. I was already feeling attacked before I voiced my concerns so they came out in a negative tone.

Did your actions make the conflict better or worse?

My actions made it worse. There already being tension between us due to the first few discussions I had with my coworker in which I came off as directive rather than conversational. My coworker misinterpreted my directive and felt threatened and disrespected by my direction which resulted in a stand-off of sorts in which I ended up having the person purposely do the exact opposite of what I had asked them to do.

If you could go back, what would you do differently, if anything?

I probably would have set up boundaries for ownership and expectations for the project beforehand. I also would have made sure that I was participating in a discussion with my coworkers rather than putting forth a directive. By trying to tell them what they could and could not do and putting restrictions on their work rather than working together with them and discussing their needs, and desires and explaining various solutions and reasons for those solutions rather than making black and white assumptions we could have solved the problem more quickly. In the end I had to have my manager meet with the other party in order to re-establish a line of trust and respect.

What did you learn from this experience?

I learned to be more cautious of my approach when leading projects and when critiquing the work of others. I didn’t realize that my critique came out as harsh as it sounded nor did I realize that my coworker had felt like he was being singled out among the masses for his infractions. I also learned how to have to discussions with project stakeholders and state my case without being demanding. Allow other stakeholders to have time to consider your opinions but let them also have their wins. You don't have to win every time, but rather voice your concerns and allow others to take the time to experiment with the hope that they will eventually come to the realization that you were right.

I also realized that before I criticize, I need to take a moment and take a breath to formulate my opinion and always lead the discussion by pinpointing the greater implications of the design or decision are on the project, or in this case, on the company and our various platforms as a whole as well as be ready to provide examples.