Treat Yourself

The happiest, proudest and most satisfied moments in my life often coincide. These feelings are not only contained within moments of achievement, but often stem from moments of failure and introspection. I am asked to pinpoint which values come to mind in these particular moments. I don’t believe that ones life can or should be measured by pinpointed and clustered moments of happiness or success. You are not a list of personal greatest achievements or the series of your worst failures. You are the values that you encompass.

We must spend the time to determine the values that we believe are important and we must choose to live every moment in consideration of those values. It is with this consistency of character that we naturally make the right decisions, gain the respect of our peers, and have a positive impact on the world around you.

The following values are just some of the ones that I hold deeply and which determine my actions, my work, my friends, and my pursuits by:

Activism, Adventure, Affection, Ambition, Challenge, Commitment, Community, Compassion, Control, Coolness under fire, Cooperation, Creativity, Credibility, Decisiveness, Effectiveness, Efficiency, Friendships, Growth, Helping other people, Helping society, Independence, Inspiration, Integrity, Introspection, Justice, Leadership, Meaningful Work, Music, Nature, Persistence, Personal development, Physical challenge, Public service, Quality, Responsibility, Self-knowledge, Self-respect, Spirituality, Volunteering, Wisdom, Vibrancy

I look for people who hold these and similar values for friendship, and working arrangements, and always consider these values when making decisions and giving advice.

Most recently I have been the center of relationship advice for a multitude of my female friends. The fact that I value my independence has allowed (or possibly caused) me to remain single for the majority of my life and has given me the opportunity to observe the interactions of my friends with people of the opposite sex as well as internally reflect upon my own (few and far between) romantic relationships. My advice is always centered around the values that I cherish while in any relationship (be it romantic or platonic). These values include self-respect, self-knowledge, quality, responsibility, inspiration, independence, compassion, commitment, and integrity.

My friends always come to me with the same problem – they feel disrespected and underappreciated by their significant other. A common phrase being: “Why don’t the treat me like I deserve to be treated. They are lucky to be with me.” This continues with phrases like “I’m the best looking person they’ll ever get,” and “They’re not even good enough for me. They should be worshipping me.” My female friends often date men who are younger than them, who they find less attractive, who aren’t fiscally savvy, or who they don’t look up to or admire. By “dating down” they hope to be in a position of power in the relationship. They want to be admired, complimented, and treated with the respect. However, by dating men who do not hold the same key values that they have, the men will never respect their needs, desires, or decisions. My advice: in order to be respected, you must respect yourself, which often means that my friends must assert their values and their needs, and break up with their significant other if their values are not equal and their needs are not met.

This is the same advice I give myself when I feel that I am being disrespected by a peer, or find myself in a position where I feel undervalued or face my own personal stereotype threat. I must assert my values and my needs in the situation and have the dignity, the self-respect, the personal knowledge, and the wisdom to push forward and upward without fear or self-loathing.